The Money Shot – green shoots of recovery?

Theresa was happy to do her bit for the ailing economy
"further relapses remain a very real possibility. Fiscal austerity, tight credit conditions, muted global economic activity and still serious problems in the Eurozone are all likely to hamper growth." Howard Archer, IHS Global Insight
  • | by Kristian Dando

Sound the bells! According to the Office for National Statistics, the worst is officially over and we’re out of recession, with the UK growing a mighty 1% from July to September this year.

And we’ve got those brave Olympic heroes to thank, along with Her Maj’. Apparently, the double whammy of the London Games and the Diamond Jubilee have provided a massive boost to the economy, with some ‘experts’ believing that ticket sales for the Olympics alone contributed 0.2% to overall growth. We thought that they were expensive but… blimey.

Chancellor George Osborne wasted no time in trumpeting the developments. “This is another sign that the economy is healing and we have the right approach,” said Osborne, while sticking Marvin Gaye’s ‘Sexual Healing’ on the stereo, pouring a glass of Rioja, undoing the top button of his shirt and offering to kiss us all better.

But we’re not out of the woods quite yet, and economists across the land have been queuing up in their droves to ‘urge caution’.

Howard Archer, of consultancy IHS Global Insight, said: "While the third-quarter GDP growth of 1% is encouraging and welcome news, the UK is by no means out of the economic woods and further relapses remain a very real possibility. Fiscal austerity, tight credit conditions, muted global economic activity and still serious problems in the Eurozone are all likely to hamper growth."

Well, that’s put a dampener on things, hasn’t it? The Money Shot supposes we can all go back to being miserable now. But, before that, we’d just like to put this ‘out there’ – it’s now official and BEYOND DISPUTE that beach volleyball is good for the economy.

NEWS IN BRIEF

Rap mogul Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs will be making an almighty car insurance claim after his ballin’ Cadillac Escalade was written off in a prang with a Lexus RS outside a plush Beverly Hills hotel.

New FSA guidelines are going to stop lenders flogging mortgages to people who probably won’t be able to pay them back.

A new EU law means that airlines are going to be forced to pay out compo to passengers who’ve had their flights delayed by more than four hours – and, as the law is partially retrospective, if you’ve had a flight delayed in the past few years you may be entitled to a bit of money. Result!

Phone insurance specialist mobileinsurance.co.uk has listed off some of its most bizarre claims, including a woman who damaged her phone in an altercation with a Victoria Sponge and a man who lost his phone up a cow’s backside. ‘App’-arently, the Devon man (where else?) was using the torch function on his iPhone ‘smart phone’ to assist with the delivery of a calf.

Armed with a bottle of Febreze and a feather duster, Sir David Walker, the new man in the hot seat of Barclays, is promising a ‘clean sweep’ of the board to get rid of the legacy of Bob Diamond.

The world was agog as some company in America announced pictures of a new computer or something. Meanwhile, the Money Shot lost the will to live.

ON COVERED MAG THIS WEEK

Felicity Hannah stifled her giggles to ask how much money you can make from selling pants, sex aids and the like at Ann Summers parties.

Car insurance prices are apparently on the way down. Yes, really.

Pigs! Sheep! Goats! Chickens! Geese! Dave Jenkins meets five domestic farm animal owners and gets the lowdown.

Kristian Dando showed you how to prevent light-fingered pop stars getting their hands on YOUR credit card, in light of that Justin Bieber court case.

AND FINALLY

The Money Shot is a big fan of vinegar – whether it’s putting lashings of the stuff on our chips, using it to liven up a dowdy salad or suspend onions in, it really floats our boat.

But even we were surprised to learn of these uses for it, courtesy of YouTube lifestyle-advice sensation Bobby’s Tips. Watch out – it’s a bit tart.