The Money Shot - I like sport

Tony's accute case of Olympic fever showed no signs of subsiding
  • | by Kristian Dando

In the run-up to that major sporting event that happened in Britain during the summer – no, not the Cooper’s Hill Cheese Rolling Competition or the British Gurning Championships – there was a lot of talk about ‘legacy’, which largely seemed to concern whether or not Big Sam Allardyce’s West Ham would bring their unique brand of agricultural football to the 50-odd thousand seat Olympic stadium or not.

One of the other hot talking points was whether the games would coax the increasingly rotund populace of Britain into doing a bit more sport. And thus far, it seems to have done the trick. The Shot has certainly seen an upsurge of in men of a certain age in questionable lycra outfits attempting to recreate the two-wheeled exploits of Bradley Wiggins over the past few months.

But it also seems that folk have been causing untold damage to their houses and themselves through attempting feats of sporting derring-do in their own home.

In a survey of about 1,000 people conducted by eSure, about a quarter had caused more than £200 of damage in their own homes via slapstick sporting mishaps, while nearly a fifth of people had pulled a muscle or broken a leg.

It’s perhaps a damning statistic that the Money Shot’s own locale of Wales caused the most expensive sporting mishaps, a whopping average of £235 - perhaps unsurprising for a place where the national sport involves manoeuvres like line-outs and scrummages.

Anyway, to enjoy sport at home without putting your belongings or person in harm’s way, follow these easy steps. You can thank us later.

  • Wear protective footwear when using dumbbells and weights. This will cushion the blow should one of them fall on your foot. A set of stout industrial boots with steel toe caps would be ideal, but this may put you at risk of looking like the builder out of the Village People.
  • Make sure the allocated exercise space is completely clear of furniture that you could bang your head, or indeed any other body part, against.
  • Make sure the exercise space is safe – free of any slippery rugs or footstools - in order to prevent any painful (yet hilarious to spectators) falls.
  • Make sure children and pets are in an alternative room before starting a workout – your flailing limbs may well injure them, and that’s just not acceptable.
  • Stand well back from the TV as over-enthusiastic movements can lead to collisions with the screen. If you end up injuring yourself, you’ll need something to watch during your recovery period, after all…

NEWS IN BREIF

The Association of British Insurers has ‘welcomed’ the OFT’s decision to refer the insurance industry to the Competition Committee, presumably by sitting them down in the living room, taking their coats and offering them a drink and some vol-au-vents.

Speaking of the ABI, the organisation reckons that young drivers should spend a year with ‘L’ plates in order to curb accidents.

The Co-op’s ongoing quest to prove itself as different to the other banks continues, with the organisation banning ‘hard-sell’ bonus targets. The firm is scrapping quarterly sales-driven goals for branch and call centre staff. From now on, staff bonuses will be based on the quality of its customer service.

Omid Dajili, the slap-headed funnyman and dead ringer for regular Covered mag contributor Dave Jenkins,  has racked up three points for speeding - just weeks after being caught driving without insurance.

ON COVERED MAG THIS WEEK

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There was this article about replacing road tax with a one-off purchase fee.

In case you hadn’t noticed, it is now autumn. As such, we thought it prudent to dish out a few tips on navigating the potential pitfalls of driving in the season of mists and mellow motorists.

AND FINALLY

Given its years spent on the breadline trying to scrimp a living as a roving writer for hire, the Money Shot enjoys an all-you-can-eat buffet, and revels in the competitive element provided by these sorts of dining experiences. One has to get one’s money’s worth, after all.

However, two hungry men from Brighton have been banned from their local all-you-can-eat Mongolian restaurant on account of their Genghis Khan-like approach to the establishment’s policy.

George Dalmon and Andy Miles - who, at 26, are probably both old enough to know better -  visited Gobi twice a month for two years in order to fill their boots on the £12 buffet. At this point, the Money Shot should probably clarify that it is referring to the metaphorical practice of filling one’s boots, although given the circumstances and respective track records of the pair in question, we wouldn’t rule out them filling their boots in the literal sense, too.

Dalmon, a former rugby player with a big appetite, said: "As we were eating the last bowl (their fifth), the owner came up and said never to come back again, we're disgusting, and we're eating him out of business, so we're nothing but filthy pigs.

"Obviously we've paid the £12 for the buffet and it says you can have as much as you like, but apparently five bowls was over the top as far as he was concerned.”

Co-owner of Gobi, Peter Westgate was quick to respond: "Like when the shark shuts its eyes before it feeds, they're like that. They just get to the buffet and whatever happens they just pile it in,” he harrumphed. "They muck the buffet up for everyone, they push and shuffle people from the barbecue area and it's pretty sad really, because you can eat all you like over five-and-a-half hours - it's not an issue, you don't need to rush."

Next time the Money Shot is down on the Sussex coast and works up a healthy appetite from all the sea air, it’ll probably go elsewhere.