The Money Shot - a snowbound special

lady sips bovril
On a cold day, Irene liked nothing better than a steaming mug of Bovril to warm her cockles
"you’d need 60 million snowmen just to cover a relatively small patch of Norfolk"
  • | by Kristian Dando

You’ll doubtless have realised by now that it’s been quite cold over the past week or so, and that the entire country has started to look a bit like Tony Montana’s office in the climactic scene of Scarface.

Yes, it’s been the UK’s annual WEATHER CHAOS season, and the Money Shot thought that now might be a good time to pore over some of the numbers and ‘stats’ kicking around on the subject of FROZEN BRITAIN and collate them into an easy-to-digest, yet highly informative ‘Info Graphic' for your enjoyment.

Behold! (Click that bad boy to expand)

An informative snow-related Infographic


Speaking of the white stuff, an Environment Agency spokesman has been widely quoted on a rather novel way to prevent post-thaw flooding: building snowmen, and other various frozen effigies.

And according to a top geological boffin, there might be a bit of substance to the advice. “Any snow that is compacted takes longer to thaw, whether it be on a road or as a snowman,” said Dr Sim Reaney of the University of Durham, whilst putting the finishing touches to an ornate snow sculpture of the Venerable Bede in a coracle. Probably.

Mind you, we’d have to build a lot of snowmen for it to have any effect.  According to another top boffin you’d need 60 million snowmen just to cover a relatively small patch of Norfolk.

This weather isn’t all fun and games though. ‘Experts’ have predicted that the economic sluggishness which the snow has caused will help throw Britain into a TRIPLE DIP recession. More on that later.

Have YOU been out frolicking in the snow, building snowmen? Then send us your pics, as we’ll be collating them into a gallery next week in the unlikely event of us receiving enough of them. Try to keep it clean…

SHORT CHANGE – MONEY NEWS IN BRIEF

BREAKING NEWS – That triple-dip recession? It looks like it’s on the way. Gross Domestic Product shrunk by 0.3% in the final three months of last year. To make matters worse, 2012 was British manufacturing's worst year since the onset of the financial crisis.

“A change would do you good,” warbled American chanteuse Sheryl Crowe in her 1996 hit of the same name. She might as well have been singing about the Office of Fair Trading’s verdict on the current account market – they’ve suggested that the sector needs to mend its ways, and fast. It also opined that consumers lack confidence to switch current accounts.

The former of head of Lloyds Banking Group has apologised for her part in the PPI mis-selling debacle. "I acknowledge the mis-selling of PPI across the industry and at Lloyds and apologise wholeheartedly for my part in that," said Helen Weir, who 'headed up' the bank’s retail arm between 2008 and 2010.

New government proposals may result in thousands of early retirees being denied a full pension.

Thousands of households are spending far more than they need to on broadband and TV bundles, according to the Post Office. "While bundles can be tempting, this report shows they provide far more than the average person needs and millions of people are clearly paying for services they never use,” said the PO’s Hugh Stacey, presumably whilst wearing some of those fetching Post Office shorts.

ON COVERED MAG THIS WEEK

There was this bit on the Which? energy satisfaction survey, which won’t make for comfortable reading for the ‘Big Six’.

Terrible haircut? Failure to find love on the internet? Deceased pet that you only just brought home from the shop? The inimitable Felicity Hannah has the answer to these consumer conundrums, and plenty more.

AND FINALLY

The Welsh town of Merthyr Tydfil has a reputation for being a fairly tough place, and its double-hard status will have been done no disservice by a resident wrestling a shark…and winning.

Paul Marshallsea, 62, was enjoying a day on the beach on holiday in Queensland, Australia, when he spotted a two-metre dusky shark ominously making its way towards a group of children.

The have-a-go hero proceeded to grab the beast by the tail and drag it to deeper water, narrowly avoiding having his leg bitten off.

The Money Shot can only imagine how the call would have gone should Paul have had to explain the scenario over the phone to his travel insurance provider, should events have taken a turn for the nasty.