The Money Shot – keeping abreast of matters

Man gawps at comely lass
Les was happy to take steps to reduce the risk of coronary artery disease
"There's no question - gazing at large breasts makes men healthier" Dr Karen Weatherby
  • | by Kristian Dando

1897 is, in human terms, quite a long time ago. Bram Stoker’s Dracula was published. Queen Victoria celebrated her diamond jubilee. Italian football giants Juventus were founded in Turin. And the word ‘computer’ was apparently used for the first time.

1897 was also the year Japanese postman Jiroemon Kimura was born. And amazingly, 116 years later, he’s still alive and kicking, leading many to speculate on what his secret might be.

Japanese people have a famously long life expectancy – the longest in the world at 86. The island nation is also home to the world’s oldest woman, who’s 115. Could it be the Japanese diet – rich in fish and rice and low in fat? Perhaps it’s a life of zesty, physical activity and fresh air? After all, Mr Kimura delivered letters until retiring at 60, before working as a farmer for the next 30 years.

Well, in light of ‘research’ carried out in Germany (in 2011, but let's not let that get in the way of a good story, eh), the Money Shot thinks it might have the answer – Jiroemon Kimura may well be leading such a long life thanks to a bit of good, old-fashioned ogling.

In news which will delight 'red blooded fellas' everywhere, it appears that staring at busty women can lengthen your life.

Dr Karen Weatherby – an expert on human ageing – said: "Just 10 minutes of looking at the charms of well-endowed females is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out," leading the Money Shot to consider tearing up its long-neglected membership to the local municipal leisure centre once and for all.

Dr Weatherby and her team spent five years monitoring men who were told to stare at bosoms daily – nice gig, if you can get it – and found that they had lower blood pressure and slower resting pulse rates. The men also had a decreased risk of coronary artery disease. Quite matter-of-factly, Dr Weatherby said: "Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There's no question - gazing at large breasts makes men healthier."

And it appears that bigger really is better – the Doc recommends that men over 40 should spend at least 10 minutes daily admiring breasts “sized D-cup or larger”.

Conclusive proof, then, that some old-school gawking can significantly increase your lifespan. Heck, the Money Shot is even considering seeing whether 10 minutes daily leering will have any effect on life insurance premiums – although last year’s EU gender directive may put the kibosh on that.

Phwoarrrrrrrrrrrr. Etc.

SHORT CHANGE – The week’s money news in brief

The Daily Mail – between waxing poetic on Margaret Thatcher and publishing another game-changing masterpiece from expert troll Samantha Brick - reported that boiler insurance may well be a bit of a swizz.

Npower has stated that it “has nothing to hide” following revelations that the energy giant paid no corporation tax on £766m of profits from 2009 to 2011. Chief exec Paul Massara played ‘the Jimmy Carr defence’, stating: “We pay all tax that is due.” Meanwhile, campaigning site 38 Degrees has ‘urged’ customers to register their disgust by switching energy supplier, while 80,000 people have signed an online petition to get the Big Six member to pay its fair share.

Speaking of energy, EDF is ready to allow negotiations over Britain’s first new nuclear plant in almost 20 years to fail. For a bit more info on the matter, step this way.

A ‘petrol price war’ has broken out between the supermarkets, with  Asda, Sainsbury’s, Morrisons and Tesco are all making reductions of between 1p and 3p.


Now that petrol is coming down in price, you might want to take a look at these outrageous (and very thirsty) 4x4s, as hand-picked by Daniel Bevis. The Money Shot’s favourite is the Gaddafi-approved Lamborghini LM002. Mmm, despotic.

We could all learn a thing or two from history about how to manage our money, reckons Rebecca Lees.

It’s Spring! Which means that people may be going on holiday. It also means that thieves are out and about, and have got their eye on YOUR garden.

In the spirit of the new advert, here’s a delightful round-up of dogs who have been employed to flog stuff to the masses.


“Blame it on the weatherman,” warbled Irish beat combo B*Witched in their 1999 hit, ‘Blame It on the Weatherman.’

This week, a manager of a Welsh tourist attraction seems to have taken the advice of the ‘C’est la Vie’ songstresses quite literally, revealing plans to sue weather forecasters for lost takings.

Ashford Price, chairman of Dan Yr Ogof Caves, reckons that poor weather reporting is affecting tourism after forecasters predicted snow over Easter. This kept visitors away from the attraction - which has a remarkable collection of stalactites and model dinosaurs, and was reportedly once a hideout for Gruffudd ap Llywelyn, the Last King of Wales.

“On many occasions last year the same thing happened with predictions being made by the weather people early in the week that the weekend would contain bad weather, only for the weekend in fact to turn out to be free of rain,” thundered Price.

However, a legal expert quickly threw a wet blanket over Price’s plan. A spokeswoman for solicitor Irwin Mitchell – possibly whilst peering up from a large, turgid legal tome - said: To claim for a weather forecaster being negligent, there firstly must have been a duty of care put in place between that forecaster and the individual for a breach of that duty to be recognised, and therefore causing loss to that particular person.”

“Obviously there was no contract with any weather station in the first place, and nor would there ever be with a member of the public, or broadcasters could never predict the weather again.”

Well, that’s that sorted. To play us out, here are Sinead, Keavy, Edele and Lindsay with a song which seems to sum up Price’s frustrations all too succinctly.

 JOIN US next week for another THRILLING instalment of THE MONEY SHOT.