The Money Shot – moral crusades and missions from God

Man looks flustered at computer
Roger could have sworn that he'd asked his ISP to turn off the rude stuff
"It’s bound to create untold awkward conversations over breakfast tables"
  • | by Kristian Dando

The writing may well be on the wall for the Money Shot.

Concerned fans have been emailing in their droves all week. They all seem to be concerned that the Money Shot will fall foul of David Cameron’s much-trumpeted ‘porn crusade’ – a term which calls to mind a steely-eyed prime minister riding through Constantinople brandishing a huge, menacing broadsword, his Norman helmet gleaming in the evening sun, gaze fixed on the horizon and the filth-peddling heathens beyond it. Heaven knows why.

As well as tackling some unarguably horrendous stuff, the proposed measures would place a compulsory ‘scud filter’ across the UK and Northern Ireland’s broadband, with users only being able to get access to the web’s rich bounty of perfectly legal rhythm material by phoning up their internet service provider and asking to have the rude stuff switched on.

Presumably, they’ll then send a man out to turn on a tap, usually located under the sink next to the stop-cock.

It’s bound to create untold awkward conversations over breakfast tables, when partners have to explain to their other halves why they still have free and easy access to a ‘pornucopia’ of online adult material.

In addition, the whole affair has opened up a few rather heated debates about internet freedom.

On one side, there are those who argue that blanket bans filter out a lot more than just naughty films and pictures and are usually favoured by oppressive, draconian regimes. In fact, the porn filter backed by David Cameron is controlled by Huawei, the controversial Chinese technology firm which was branded "a threat to national security" by the US Department of State.

Others, like Covered’s own Felicity Hannah, think it’s a pretty good thing. “Not to be boring, but as a mother I'd welcome porn being automatically switched off. With smartphones and 3G tablets I feel reasonably confident the adults could still access anything they like,” she argues, not unreasonably.

But if a cursory canvassing of social media opinion is anything to go by, folk wouldn’t have any qualms about asking their broadband provider for ‘full access’ anyway. 

“I’d do it! But I’d tell them it was for ironic purposes,” chirped one gentleman on Twitter, enthusiastically.

“I’d do it out of principle. Yeah, principle,” winked another.

“I won't be embarrassed when I do it. Not if, when. I'd do it in a seedy way, too. I’d employ a low-end, husky ‘phone voice’ and all,” bragged a particularly brazen Twitter user.

All the Money Shot knows is this – when it comes to ferreting out filth, young lads can be incredibly resourceful. And with ‘tech’ experts claiming that the block will be a relative cinch to get around, today’s youth are going to be employing much more sophisticated methods of getting their hands on some illicit titillation than rooting around in their local park hedge for washed-out old gentlemen’s periodicals – de rigueur practice in the days of the Money Shot’s, er, friends…

SHORT CHANGE – Money News in Brief

The Archbishop of Canterbury got all ‘Jesus-in-the-temple’ and resolved to take on the payday loan industry, vowing to put companies like Wonga out of business. Which was all well and good until it turned out that the Church of England holds an indirect £75,000 stake in the lender singled out for flak. Whoops.

About 700 claims management companies have ceased trading since a raft of measures to curb ambulance-chasing were introduced last year.

The UK economy swelled by a positively trouser-bursting 0.6% in the last financial quarter.

Nationwide chairman Graham Beale has made the rather bold step of comparing bankers to pop stars and football players.

Which? has launched a ‘smart phone app’ which allows customers to instantly log complaints of nuisance calls.


A woman had a baby. Quite a lot of people made a fuss about it. So in customary fashion, we waxed down our boogie board and shamelessly surfed the news agenda.

Speaking of surfing, there was this bit on credit cards.

Rachel England showed you how to angle for a pay rise.


There were shameful scenes in the picturesque Welsh seaside locale of Rhossili, when a man was caught stealing from an honesty box.

Mark Button set up the box three years ago to sell home-grown vegetables, drinks and ice creams to people who’ve been hanging out at the beach. “"99.9% of people love it," he said. "You get the odd bit of theft but it's not a huge amount.”

However, this week, CCTV caught a man helping himself to a few cans, along with £20 in cash. “One person has spoilt it for everybody," lamented Button.

But Button won’t be deterred, and has vowed to carry on his help-yourself refreshment scheme. "This won't stop. This is a service I offer to people," he roared defiantly.

Have YOU spotted the Rhossili honesty box thief? If so, contact South Wales Police, who are currently investigating the matter.

Join us NEXT WEEK for another THRILLING installment of THE MONEY SHOT.