The Money Shot – Cheap pops and freaky dancing

Mick Foley, pro wrestler
Mark Carney has really let himself go... oh, that's Mick Foley. (Photo: Eva Rinaldi)
"The UK is no more productive than it was before Jake Bugg got his first guitar. Since then... he's become a lot more productive" Mark Carney
  • | by Kristian Dando

The Money Shot has been keeping close tabs on Bank of England governor Mark Carney. Ok, not that close – after all, another restraining order is the last thing we need.

This week, the honey-voiced Canadian paid a visit to Nottingham to deliver his first regional speech to the great provincial unwashed, taking a leaf out of hardcore wrestling legend Mick Foley’s book to ‘get over’ with the fans.

During his career, Foley was a master of the so-called ‘cheap pop’ – currying favour with the local crowd by mentioning the city he was performing in, or something to do with it, when speaking on the mic.

Carney managed to send Nottinghammers – is that even a word? – into a lather by making a reference to one of the city’s most famous latter-day sons: mop-haired troubadour Jake Bugg.

It turns out that Mark reckons the UK economy is a bit like the mod songsmith. And no, he didn’t mean that it was retrograde, bereft of new ideas and in thrall to a golden age which probably never existed.

"The UK is no more productive than it was back in 2005 - before Jake Bugg got his first guitar. Since then he's had a number one record and a string of very successful gigs. He's become a lot more productive,” quipped the governor tenuously. Cue much whooping, hollering and pointing of foam fingers from the east Midlands massive.

Mark, if you’re reading, we’ve cobbled together a few other suggestions for regional heroes you can liken the economy to next time you’re on your travels. Bear witness!

Cardiff

Cardiff

(Photo: Identity Chris Is)

“In many ways the UK economy is a bit like Shakin’ Stevens – it’s had more ups and downs than it would care to mention, but it’s nearly back to being on an even keel… even if it is a little, er, shaky.”

Sheffield

Sheffield

(Photo: Pablo Margari)

“Much like the Human League’s efforts to follow up 1981’s seminal Dare!, the UK economy’s journey out of recession has been fraught, difficult and full of bickering.”

Glasgow

Glasgow

(Photo: Twisty Foldy)

“Hopefully, like the music of Mogwai, the UK’s economy will have long spells of apparent inactivity before juddering suddenly and startlingly into life and giving everyone an almighty shock.”

Cornwall

Cornwall

(Photo: Xerones)

“Aphex Twin’s latter work is often obtuse, confusing and prone to inducing headaches. However, folk often pretend to understand it in order to appear intelligent - much like the UK’s finances.” 

London

London

(Photo: Doug88)

“Sure, Chas & Dave have been written off many times by the media, and it’s true, they’re not quite the force they once were. But they’re still plugging away manfully. Which is a bit like the British economy, when you come to think of it.”

Manchester

Manchester

(Photo: Man Alive!)

“Money’s too tight to mention” crooned flame-haired Mancunian swordsman Mick Hucknall in 1985. He may as well have been speaking about the state of the UK economy in 2013, and the reasons behind my new ‘forward guidance’ policy.”

Can YOU think of any painfully tenuous regional zings for Mark Carney to wheel out next time he’s on the road? If so, hit the Money Shot up on Twitter or Facebook. You know you want to…

Short change – money news in brief

The prospect of US strikes in Syria could lead to a spike in petrol prices, according to the head of global oil research at French bank Societe General.

Patients of private healthcare companies are said to have been overcharged for their insurance to the tune of about £200m.

‘Middle England’ gave a resounding cheer as Nationwide reported an eleventh consecutive month of house prices rises.

A study has found that having money worries on your mind saps your ability to perform menial tasks.

Apropos of nothing, a bloke called Ruud Wanck was appointed head of Group M. Rumours suggest that the media outfit had to beat off stiff opposition from Dong Energy.

AND FINALLY

Bez

(Photo: Dullhunk)

When Manchester band the Happy Mondays went to Barbados to record Yes Please! in the early 1990s, few could have predicted the chemical excesses to which the band would subject themselves. Actually, that’s nonsense; it was an entirely predictable turn of events.

The band famously sold all of their studio equipment to buy crack cocaine, all but bankrupting their record label Factory in the process.

It would appear that the band’s gurning dancer Bez is now getting his ‘buzz’ from a rather more salubrious pursuit – beekeeping.

The self-confessed "full-time honey monster" has been keeping bees for about a year on a commune in south Wales, and he’s now thrown his weight behind a campaign to save the honey bee in UK cities.

"It's magical really because the bees have been around since the days of the dinosaurs. They are a great part of our diversity," plugged the ‘Squirrel and G-Man 24 Hour Party People Plastic Face Carnt Smile (White Out)’ star.

But it’s not all been plain sailing – the maracas-toting scamp admitted that he had a terrible ordeal after upwards of 100 bees managed to get into his trouser-fly and sting him one day. Ouch.

Join us NEXT WEEK for another THRILLING installment of THE MONEY SHOT.