Who doesn't love Bonfire Night? No-one, that's who.
With Halloween a hazy memory and Christmas winking cheekily on the horizon, Bonfire Night or Guy Fawkes Night is the perfect event to keep us going until we can mainline tins of chocolate and Baileys (1 December, to you and me).
From the sparklers to the hot dogs, here's why Bonfire Night beats Halloween every time.
Or sticks of pure joy, as they are otherwise known. Watching sparklers burn and fizz, swirling them round and making cool light shows is where all human kindness and wonder begins - give your kids sparklers and they'll turn into good people, basically.
Wearing gloves and scarves
Your mum making you wear gloves while holding sparklers is a maternal instinct dating back to caveman times, and those sometimes disturbing Bonfire Night safety warnings will stick in the minds of parents and children alike forever. Wear gloves kids!
Admittedly, toffee apples are pretty disgusting once you've eaten off all the toffee. Why the apples beneath always taste horrible is one of life's great mysteries.
Although the real history has more than one side to it and the execution was pretty gruesome, burning Guy Fawkes is meant to commemorate the triumph of democracy, and it remains an important part of 5 November. But Bonfire Night can trace its origins back centuries before the Gunpowder Plot and, in fact, has pagan roots.
No Bonfire Night is complete without the eating of hot dogs - like a religious event, the consumption requires certain rites to be carried out. Sparklers must be waiting, the onions must be appropriately caramelised and the tomato sauce must be plentiful.
Bonfire Night always seems to be accompanied by the arrival of fairgrounds - the waltzers, tea cups and candy floss all combine to make a heady, uniquely British experience.
Spend £10 trying to win a goldfish that will have gone to goldfish heaven before Christmas and then be sick on that ride with all the celebrities painted on it.
Last but not least, the oohs and aahs induced by firework displays create optimum warmth and fuzziness - watch your street's display with neighbours while eating your hot dog for maximum Bonfire Night 'feels'.