The Dr Moore-Money Valentine clinic

Image of Moore-Money with bouquet of roses
Honestly, they're not from the 24hr garage
"Valentine’s Day is a time for both giving and receiving so it’s entirely understandable that you want your generosity reciprocated"
  • | by Kristian Dando

Can you smell that? Love is in the air.

Actually, that’s just the great smell of Joop! - the preferred fragrance of Covered mag’s resident financial expert, Dr Moore-Money, who’s here for a special pre-Valentine’s tete-a-tete.

It’s not only cards which are falling through Dr Moore-Money’s letterbox at this time of year - he’s also finding it increasingly difficult to open the door of the surgery due to the build-up of seasonal enquiries on his welcome matt.

We’ve whittled the list down to a manageable three for your information and enjoyment - over to you, doc!

Dear Dr Moore-Money,

Image of couple having passionate dance

I think Cupid’s arrow has struck!

I’m head over heels with a new lass I’ve been seeing. She’s clever, attractive, a real mover (you should see her cha-cha - awooga!) but I’m a bit worried about 14 February.

She’s a sophisticated lady, and has insinuated that she wants me to blow a massive wad on her this Valentine’s day.

Trouble is, I’m a little hard-up at the moment and am worried I won’t be able deliver the goods.

Any tips on impressing her without overexerting myself?

Jeff, Surrey

Dear Jeff,

Image of couple kissing

You really do sound lovestruck, old bean! Good for you. This fine filly sounds like she’s a keeper.

There are many ways to a lady’s heart without having to resort to currying her favour with an eye-watering splurge – in fact, I’ve got just the ticket.

How about showing her how committed you are to her this Valentine’s by surprising her with a joint current account?

Nothing says ‘romance’ quite like mutual fiscal responsibility, and a joint bank account could be the perfect way to show you’re serious.

Before you get carried away, do make sure you take precautions.

Ask for your account to be set up so that joint signatures are needed for expenditure. After all, even the most trusting relationship should have respectful boundaries.

If you really want to get her panting with delight, you could seriously turn up the heat by suggesting you try extreme current accounting - it’s a super saucy way of making the most of interest rates, but shouldn't be entered into lightly.

It requires mutual trust, a steady hand, and a firm grip… of your incomings and outgoings.

I have every confidence that this Valentine’s Day will be one to remember!

Esteemed Dr Moore-Money,

Image of a woman looking expectanatly on a bus

I’m planning on surprising my other half, Darren, with an impressive new bust this Valentine’s Day.

He’s very much into his classics, and I think this might be a super way of putting the spice into our relationship.

Somewhat selfishly, I want to make sure there’s something in it for me, too. Is this so wrong?

Best wishes,

Pat, Wealdstone

Hi Pat!

Image of a greek bust

Valentine’s Day is a time for both giving and receiving so it’s entirely understandable that you want your generosity reciprocated.

I’ve got just the ticket - it’s virtually fail-safe, providing you play your cards right.

How about using a cashback or rewards credit card to buy the bust?

Cashback or rewards cards are a great way of getting a cheeky bit of extra for yourself on spending you’d be doing anyway.

However, take heed of this warning - they require you to pay off the entire balance every month for the rewards to make sense, given the high APRs usually associated with them.

I’m a big advocate of always using protection, and by using a credit card for this transaction you’ll be afforded oodles of it through the Consumer Credit Act (1974 - a very good year for yours truly, if you get my drift), given that it’s priced between £100 and £30,000.

Now, what were those seven Greek words for love again?

Dear Dr Moore-Money,

Image of a man in a garden

The first wafts of spring are in the air and there’s one thing on my mind - wood.

I’ve got big plans to achieve an impressive erection in the garden over the summer months, but the only issue is how I’m going to pay for it.

Any tips on how I might finance the brute?

George, Woking

Dear George,

Image of a cosy shed

Crikey! That certainly sounds like it’ll set the neighbours’ tongues a-wagging.

personal loan might be just the ticket for home improvements.

They’re not to be taken lightly, but given this sort of modification could indeed add value to your home then it might be worth considering.

Rates are fairly tasty at the moment given the low base rate, so now might just be the time to strike.

Remember that if you do chose to take out a loan, failure to repay could land you in serious financial peril. You might want to consider dipping into your savings instead.

Just out of curiosity, just how big is this erection you’re fantasising about?

If it’s a real monster you might have to talk to the council about planning permission.

Oh, and while we’re on the topic, don’t forget to add it to your home insurance - it should cover outbuildings, so don’t forget to get on the blower and update your policy accordingly.

Join Dr Moore-Money next time for another sizzling surgery sesh. Until then, send us your letters